His father asked him three times what was wrong. Finally, the boy replied,
"That preacher said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home, and I wanted to stay with you guys."
The Sunday School Teacher asked, "Now, Johnny, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?"
"No sir," Johnny replies, "I don't have to. My Mom is a good cook.
A Sunday school teacher asked her children, as they were on the way to church service,
"And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?"
One bright little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping."
The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake.
Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. "If Jesus were sitting here,
He would say, 'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.'
Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, "Ryan, you be Jesus!"
grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore, where a seagull lay dead in the sand.
"Daddy, what happened to him?" the son asked. "He died and went to Heaven," the Dad replied.
The boy thought a moment and then said, "Did God throw him back down?"
"Well, thank you," the pastor replied, "but why?"
"Because my daddy says you're one of the poorest preachers we've ever had."
"Would you like to say the blessing?" I wouldn't know what to say," the girl replied.
"Just say what you hear Mommy say," the wife answered.
The daughter bowed her head and said, "Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?"
he would take two steps, stop, and turn to the crowd.
While facing the crowd, he would put his hands up like claws and roar.
So it went, step, step, ROAR, step, step, ROAR, all the way down the aisle.
As you can imagine, the crowd was near tears from laughing so hard by the time he reached the pulpit.
When asked what he was doing, the child sniffed and said, "I was being the Ring Bear."
The parents did their best to maintain some sense of order in the pew, but were losing the battle.
Finally, the father picked the little fellow up and walked sternly up the aisle on his way out.
Just before reaching the safety of the foyer, the little one called loudly to the congregation,
"Pray for me!" "Pray for me!"
"And forgive us our trash baskets as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets."
"Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it.
I'm having a real good time like I am."
Then something fell out of the
It was an old leaf from a tree that had been pressed in between the pages.
"Mama, look what I found," the boy called out.
"What have you got there, dear?" his mother asked.
With astonishment in the young boy's voice he answered, "It's Adam's suit!!"
After several circles and jerks, a little girl in the third pew leaned toward her mother and whispered,
"If he gets loose, will he hurt us?
Joel giggled, sang, and talked out loud. Finally, his big sister had had enough.
"You're not supposed to talk out loud in church."
Angie pointed to the back of the church and said, "See those two men standing by the door?
"Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?" I mentally polished my halo, while I asked,
"No, how are we alike?" "You're both old," he replied.
Then, one day, she floored her grandmother by asking, "Which Virgin was the mother of Jesus?
The virgin Mary or the King James Virgin?"
They were ready to discuss the last one.
The teacher asked if anyone could tell her what it was. Susie raised her hand, stood tall, and quoted,
"Thou shall not take the covers off the neighbor's wife."
Finally, she decided to go solo. I listened with pride as she carefully enunciated each word,
right up to the end of the prayer:
WHO SHOULD YOU MARRY?
Alan, age 10
you like sports, she should like it that you like sports,
Twenty-three is the best age because you know the
person FOREVER by then.
No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get
You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be
Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other.
Even boys have something to say if you
listen long enough. (Isn't she a treasure)
On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested
enough to go for a second date.
I'd run home and play dead.
The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.
When they're rich.
The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to
mess with that.
The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them.
It's the right thing to do.
There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
"And the #1 Favorite is........"
HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
Ricky, age 10
Tell your wife that she looks pretty even if she looks like a truck.
A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8-year-olds, "What does love mean?"
The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined. See what you think...
Rebecca - age 8
"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore.
So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love."
Billy - age 4
"When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different.
Karl - age 5
"You know that your name is safe in their mouth."
Chrissy - age 6
"Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other."
Terri - age 4
"Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries
without making them give you any of theirs."
Danny - age 7
"Love is what makes you smile when you're tired."
Mike -age 6
"Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him,
to make sure the taste is OK."
Bobby - age 5
"Love is what's in the room with you a Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen."
Nikka - age 6"
If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend whom you hate."
Jenny - age 4
"There are two kinds of love. Our love. God's love. But God makes both of them."
Jessica - age 8
"Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it every day."
Noelle - age 7
"Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after
they know each other so well."
"My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night."
Clare - age 5
"Love is when mommy gives daddy the best piece of chicken."
Elaine - age 5
"Love is when mommy sees daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford."
Chris - age 8
"Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day."
Mary Ann - age 4
"I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones."
Lauren - age 4
"I let my big sister pick on me because my Mom says she only picks on me because she loves me.
So I pick on my baby sister because I love her."
"When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you."
Karen - age 7
"Love is when mommy sees daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross."
Mark - age 6
"You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it.
But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget."
A little boy goes to school one day and while he is gone, his cat gets killed.
His mother is very concerned about how he will take the news.
Upon his arrival home, she explains the tragedy and tries to console the boy saying,
"But don't worry, the cat is in heaven with God now."
The boy replied, "What's God gonna' do with a dead cat?"
The following came from a woman in Austin, Texas.
For those who already have children past
this age, this is hilarious.
to spread paint on all four walls of a
20 by 20-foot room.
they can only do it in the movies. Also, a magnifying glass can start a
fire even on an overcast day.
She came to the part of the story where the first little pig was trying to accumulate
the building materials for his home.
She read ".... so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said,
sir but may I have some of that straw to build my house?"